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Do not be greedy and wish for another one.Be thankful this happened because the next time is written with uncertainty.
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Badly need to start over with everything.
Just how, is the question. |
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| Here are random things I'd like to do before I turn 25.
1. Master a new language (be it Mandarin, Korean or Japanese)
2. Create the perfect organizer for myself (because I'm OC like that)
3. Travel the whole of Southeast Asia (or at least visit the key cities)-- a backpacking trip is also nice.
4. Study history. Again.
5. Be financially independent. ^ ^ |
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| I may be watching K-dramas far to long to be feeling like this. You see, it's the thing I hate most but the thing I can't actually get rid of---this feeling of longing (brought about by countless movies and series watched).
This hit me while I was watching a sageuk drama (that's Korean historical drama for you). For a long time, I have set aside the idea of being in a relationship. 5 years is far too long and without having any "significant" relationship (if you could call it that) after that, I begin to question myself. What is it that I fear in relationships? Why do I lose interest easily? Am I afraid of initmacy? Or is it that I don't want to get hurt again?
I feel like Alice--giving good advice but rarely following them. I tell people that it's okay to let yourself out in the open but I can't really do that myself. I am too uptight, too comfortable in the wall I've built for 5 years that I don't have plans of getting out. Now I've reached my 20's (yes, I am admitting I'm not a teen anymore haha!), I want a relationship will last. I actually want to be in love. You see, I long for this genuine feeling of love--not just infatuation. I long for the time when my heart would again skip a beat with the mere metion of someone's name. Butterflies to last in my stomach for hours, days even. And for someone to actually be on the receiving end ready to reciprocate. But the thing here is, I can't topple my defenses. I need them. And no one actually puts enough effort to climb it and help me overcome those defenses.
*Sigh*
Or perhaps what I need is a reality check? |
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It is frustrating when the thing you've wanted for so long has finally appeared but is still painstakingly out of reach.
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